Glad to meet you 2021

​As you raised your glass and leaned in to toast to 2021 what were you thinking?
For so many 2020 was the year of the unexpected, a year of uncertainty and a year of loss. 
I can remember toasting to 2020 laughing that it would be the year of 2020 vision. What little did I know that 2020 would be just that! March 2020 was a month that I don't think anyone will ever forget. Our whole lives were on a trajectory toward change. But not just any kind of change, this was a national change. A change that we presumed would be temporary. A change that put people in postures that they were not familiar with, the posture of rest. The pandemic told us to sit in time out and gave many, including myself, time to think, evaluate and reset. I don't know about everyone else so I will just speak for myself when I say that the pandemic had to happen. It sharpened my senses and shut out the background noise. 
In the beginning months of the pandemic I had it all wrong. I thought it was the time that I would get closer to my husband. That didn't happen and I blamed him for it not being the way I wanted it to be. So yes, I felt lonely and alone and it tested our relationship big time. 
In November 2019 God told me that this would be my "catch your breath season". I knew my life was slowing down but I began to grieve the fast pace, the front line work and my full calendar. I really had some moments. It impacted relationships big time. Throughout my years as a mental health professional I was slowly and painsakingly experiencing vicarious trauma, so much that I didn't see it until I left my previous employer. 
Prior to the pandemic I gave my all to everything and didn't practice what I vehemently told everyone else to do...Breathe. God saw me not breathing and made room.
From March 2020-December 2020 I did what He told me to do, "Daughter, catch your breath". As difficult as it was for me to watch my former colleagues and front line workers take care of people, I had to. I made room for myself, my children and my household. I thought I needed to make room for my marriage but God told me "I already took care of that, the both of you are good". I got familiar with my children where they are now and not how I see them as little children but as budding adults (there is a difference). I committed to taking even better care of my body and my health. I fell in love with the outdoors, using all of my senses. I read more, I prayed more, I engaged more and got to know me on a whole different level. I started therapy and admitted some things, embraced some things and started working on changing some things. 2020 was good to me! If you would have asked me while I was living 2020 I may have told you different.
I put my mask on in 2020 and now in 2021 I raise my glass because I am refreshed and ready to be back on the front line at a different pace. I don't think I have ever felt this peace before. I don't ever think I have ever been in control this way; it's not forced control it's a steady and neutral control. It's a control that I promise to never give back again. 2021 I do not know what you have in store for me, for us, for our nation but in the meantime I will wear my mask, keep my distance, wash my hands, drink my ginger tea and sea moss cocktail every morning and live moment by moment with intention of being the best me I know how to be.
​Cheers! 

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