Have you ever given so much of yourself then turn around full of someone else. I have! Have you given so much of yourself and carried the weight of others so much that you are heavy with stuff that never belonged to you? Yeah, me too. Have you held back your thoughts and adjusted your posture on matters just so others can stay comfortable. Yep, me too. Have you thought “I will be ok” sacrificing your feelings to protect the feelings of others. Dang, me too. Have you swallowed words that needed to be said to protect the wrong in others so much that you become constipated? I know, me too! Have you prayed for others, neglecting your own petitions and declarations? I know, I know!
If you respond yes to any of these questions you are not alone. I promise you.
It took me some time to realize that what I thought was balance was actually unhealthy compromise. It was even more evident when I was in need of what I gave and it was not where I left it. The ROI on the time and the words was not what I expected, you know the way I gave it. Yet, I was left with “stuff” that didn’t belong to me.
Please hear me when I say being a helping hand, ear or voice in a time of need is all good. But also hear me when I say don’t leave walking away with someone else’s stuff. The piled on heaviness from you taking on crosses that aren’t yours to bear. We are not good friends/partners if we carry the weight of others while they walk away light as a feather. We are effective friends when we give tools and strategies to help people navigate their journey to “feel better” Avenue.
This would be a good time to reflect and ask yourself some questions, and wait for the Answer. Be intentional not only about taking things back but gracefully dropping off those things that don’t and never have belonged to you. Give yourself permission to be the person that helps but not the person that enables. Being that person that can be supportive and hopeful with a listening ear is a gift. Be grateful for that.
A wise woman once taught me about intercession. Intercession is a gift and gifts shouldn't come with burden. If you are interceding and it becomes heavy then you have carried it farther than your capability. As an intercessor you are a bridge. The person has reached territory that they can not access without the bridge and the Answer is on the other side of the bridge. As the intecessor you have the gift to take the information to the other side of the bridge to the Answer. Because you are not the Answer, you are the bridge. Any bridge that reaches its weight capacity is bound to collapse. Vehicles don't sit on bridges they pass through over bridges. The Answer on the other side will do that, answer!
As you settle in to this life built on intention go get your character qualities back! Be the bridge that doesn't collapse.
Until next time!
As you raised your glass and leaned in to toast to 2021 what were you thinking?
For so many 2020 was the year of the unexpected, a year of uncertainty and a year of loss.
I can remember toasting to 2020 laughing that it would be the year of 2020 vision. What little did I know that 2020 would be just that! March 2020 was a month that I don't think anyone will ever forget. Our whole lives were on a trajectory toward change. But not just any kind of change, this was a national change. A change that we presumed would be temporary. A change that put people in postures that they were not familiar with, the posture of rest. The pandemic told us to sit in time out and gave many, including myself, time to think, evaluate and reset. I don't know about everyone else so I will just speak for myself when I say that the pandemic had to happen. It sharpened my senses and shut out the background noise.
In the beginning months of the pandemic I had it all wrong. I thought it was the time that I would get closer to my husband. That didn't happen and I blamed him for it not being the way I wanted it to be. So yes, I felt lonely and alone and it tested our relationship big time.
In November 2019 God told me that this would be my "catch your breath season". I knew my life was slowing down but I began to grieve the fast pace, the front line work and my full calendar. I really had some moments. It impacted relationships big time. Throughout my years as a mental health professional I was slowly and painsakingly experiencing vicarious trauma, so much that I didn't see it until I left my previous employer.
Prior to the pandemic I gave my all to everything and didn't practice what I vehemently told everyone else to do...Breathe. God saw me not breathing and made room.
From March 2020-December 2020 I did what He told me to do, "Daughter, catch your breath". As difficult as it was for me to watch my former colleagues and front line workers take care of people, I had to. I made room for myself, my children and my household. I thought I needed to make room for my marriage but God told me "I already took care of that, the both of you are good". I got familiar with my children where they are now and not how I see them as little children but as budding adults (there is a difference). I committed to taking even better care of my body and my health. I fell in love with the outdoors, using all of my senses. I read more, I prayed more, I engaged more and got to know me on a whole different level. I started therapy and admitted some things, embraced some things and started working on changing some things. 2020 was good to me! If you would have asked me while I was living 2020 I may have told you different.
I put my mask on in 2020 and now in 2021 I raise my glass because I am refreshed and ready to be back on the front line at a different pace. I don't think I have ever felt this peace before. I don't ever think I have ever been in control this way; it's not forced control it's a steady and neutral control. It's a control that I promise to never give back again. 2021 I do not know what you have in store for me, for us, for our nation but in the meantime I will wear my mask, keep my distance, wash my hands, drink my ginger tea and sea moss cocktail every morning and live moment by moment with intention of being the best me I know how to be.
My name is Kamela (like Pamela with a K :) and I am fairly new to blogging. I am always thinking and I want to share my thoughts with anyone willing to listen. I am a wife and a mother of 5 in a blissfully blended family. I enjoy cooking, crafting, entertaining, encouraging and making people feel better when they left me than when they met me. I have a passion for women reaching their full potential and trusting their dopeness along the way. There is absolutely nothing we can't do! I am learning and accepting this about myself more and more and each day. My goal is to be transparent and share insight and ah ha moments with all of you that are reading. I encourage you to comment and share your thoughts and make recommendations for other topics as well. Let's get to blogging!